harris is a dirty little liar...he didnt break up with me cuz we fought too much...communication hindrance my ass...he broke up with me, not only cuz he wanted his singleness back (yea finding that out from my mom wasnt a walk in the park for me), but because he wanted ginie back...he likes her, always did...he used me, then dropped me for my fifteen year old cousin...then set me up with sheets to make himself feel better...granted the set up with sheets part is the only part im thankful for...but the rest of it sucks...
ginie told me today...yesterday he told me he always liked her...and she told me today that he was trying to get with her even before he broke up with me...and the fat that she didnt tell me sooner hurts, but not too much i guess...i wonder how long hes been trying to get with my fifteen year old cousin...i thought id be okay with it, bu im not...im alright with them going out, im not alright with the fact that my little cousin would then be going out with the biggest liar ever...hes a dirty little liar and it hurts that a guy who took my first kiss from me, is lying to me all because he wants a younger, prettier girl...everything that was wrong about us all goes back to the simple fact that he wanted her, liked her, perhaps loved her...and all he got was me...
they deserve each other...i dont blame her, its not her fault that to harris, shes better than me...ive lived a lie for nine months and i hate mself cuz i saw this coming but couldnt quite put my finger on it..now i know...the upside is, i now know, not only that im not crazy, but that i can prolly spot an asshole from a mile off...
god bless them both...and good riddance...
the sad thing was i really did love him...i put everything into this...readers of past blogs would know that...and this is how he repays me...by not even sparing me a passsing glance while he guiltlessly takes on my cousin...i hate that...all the times he said hed never look at her that way....and then he told everyone what we did...that was something i didnt want everyone to know...now the world knows...
i dont want to, but im crying over this...i hate him...more than anything...i let him hurt me, i let him do this to me...i let him delude me by listening to him say that he loved me...i let him do this to me...he made it so i have nothing left to give...
any love that i could have possibly felt, that wasnt entirely extingushed by the fact that it prolly wouldnt have worked out anyway...is entirely replaced by the most crushing hatred i could eveer feel for anyone who said that they loved me...now i know never to take the words of any guy and put a positive spin to them...never to believe the words and lies of any guy and believe that this one will be different...never to take the promises and believe that he would ever keep them in this lifetime...god knows...i gave this bastard everything, and i have nothing to show for it except huge blowups, some lies and more tears than i can count...
at least i know my karma finally came...its a relief actually, to know that ive gotten paid back...i can feel the hurt too...
so thank you, joseph harris, for giving me what i deserve...
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