Just Like A Pill

im over the guy, pretty much...that much is still true, ive accepted that it was futile and not meant to happen, and i like that i am friends with him. i can have fun with others on a regular basis, and keep my mind off of the fact that i have to subject myself to more torture.

then why am i still so sad?

the fact that everybodys gonna go meet his childhood friend, and nobody told me about it because they were afraid of how id handle it didnt help either...i actually have no idea why i am as depressed as i am. i just know that i am.

all i know is that the things that make me feel better a lot of the time are essentiall emotionally killing me. i dont want them to kill me, byut they do...

and somehow, today i found out that i dont like me hair. apparently i have a vendetta against it and it slipped out today. im known for something that grows on my head that i have no control over whatsoever, and all the rest of the world gets to be recognized for what they do. i explained it to harris, and he thought i was being really self centered and a bit of an attention whore...i didnt mean to come off that way and i am sorry for all that...and then they wonder why im forever trying to atone for past sins over here,....because i am constantly annoying people and making lives more difficult somehow.

i do want to meet this girl. leaving aside what she did to the guy i kind of sort of like a little bit still, she seems lovely, if a bit metallic (lots of piercings). her names katie, and from what i hear he likes her. its a bit of a ego punch, but i can hack it. im good at stripping myself of my own dignity now. i hope i like her though, i have a thing with actually being friends with my ex's girlfriends. i think its tons of fun. harris's girlfriend, sammy, is so cool, we like her better than him. too bad she hasnt seen me when im not a total mess, she got with harris soon after i lost my mind. were cool though, so its coolness.

im kinda glad im the only one keeping this up now. that mkeans this corner of the interweb is really mine, and if people read it, so be it. if you have a problem with anything ive said, or wish to ask a question, my cyber door is wide open and ask away. and if you know me personally, you know exactly what i am talking about and if you caall me asking what this is about, im going to laugh like i havent in a long time.

on a lighter, cooler note. i got into cuny honors. i have decided to go there (st lawrence no longer worth it, with the 20000 dollar deficit and all. plus rori didnt get in, so i dont like them now.)

oh, and steve gave us all a rundown of the hills. sheets and i were totally riveted. well i was, sheets was playing his zelda ds game where link is a cartoon.

i finished my LOTR game for PSP. i had lost the PSP, but then i lost the game, then i found the psp, but no game. then i lose it again, then i find the game, then the psps is gone. then i get the psp, and the game, but no charger. then i find the chargetr then the psp and i lived happily ever after.

lol

well im going to go now, the less i think of how much if an idiot ive been, the better.