When You're Gone

You ever realize how much you'd really miss a person?

See, when all of this happened to me, and Marcus left, I knew I would miss him somewhat. I still had my misgivings, but I knew I would miss him. But now that he's been gone for nearly two weeks, I really miss him. Yesterday, I sat next to the piano he gave me to hold on to till he gets back, and I wanted to cry. He's been around for a long time, and now that our friendship took this turn, I wanna see him more. I want to get to know him, discuss all the random concerns I had with this. Pick his brain for random facts about him that I wouldn't have known otherwise. Try to figure out how this all started. I miss him.

Now on to matters of my job. The moneys good. The people SUCK. They suck. There really mean to me.

Starting from nicest to most horrible person to walk Dry Dock...

First, there's Rob. Nice about half the time. The rest of the time, he's insulting me, calling me a schitzo like the rest of them. Apparently he's that guy who rags on his friends constantly. Hello, Harris from last year. (Speaking of him, he seems to be rehabilitating. Stay tuned.)

Then, there's Josh. He's quiet, I'll leave him alone.

Jose's alright, but he said I smell. That was mean. I was asking people for days if I did after that. Everyone said no. I don't know.

Johan. What can I say? Besides antagonizing me at every opportunity, he got me in scads of trouble with my mom, when I came home with wet straight hair. Then I got into even more hot water cuz Liza cut my bangs. Everytime my mom sees me now, she's insulting my hair. I want to move a lot more now. Anyway, Johan's really mean.

My boss is mean to, simply in that he yells at me for stuff I never did, and laughs when all this other stuff happens.

Forest. Don't even get me started. Aside from being the one who first called me schitzo and Ta-Ta (the name stuck, even the staff apparently call me that. They're adults, aren't they?), he's a general asshole, who allegedly farted in Brittany's face, yells at me to clean all the time, when I always throw out my messes, is always calling me stupid and/or crazy, and being really mean and a snitch who never sits on the chair without something to say. He's like thirty, insulting an innocent eighteen year old? Pathetic.

Gio left yesterday for good. He's going to florida for a week, so he can't work. He was like the only nice one. It was depressing.

The dwim teacher guy is annoying. Like today. He threw water on me, and a couple days before he frizzed up my hair. But the award for messing it up goes to johan, who dunked me when he antagonizedme to get into the water, and then he dunked me. I told April, who told my mom, and I'm in trouble for that too. There is no winning with parents.

Either way, they piss me off. And im also sad. The dove I was trying to find a home for died. I wanted to cry. I had to dispose of the remains myself, cuz my mom wouldn't help me at all. She was like get rid of that bird. I was really sad, and still am. RIP Dova.

Well, on that note, let me go. I've gotta finish my work day, then get ready for my lovely three day orientation. Yay.

Bye.

Wait / Cold

Hey, everyone. This is my third time trying to write a blog on my new sidekick. Im still working out the buttons and trying to get dash texting out of my head. My Dash EXPLODED on sunday. (The last time I hung with Rory, I think. She spells her name different now. Im trying to get used to it.)

Anyway, let me not get into that. Well, work has been okay. Rob has been a bit more asinine lately, but he's still fun. I haven't seen Gio in a good long while, because he got into a car accident and I guess he's not feeling too well. I wouldn't. He came to work too, one day. He's a real trooper.

I got my "script" for South Pacific, the show the honors college is seeing for orientation. Well, its not really a script. I thought it would be, but its not. Its the original book. "Tales Of The South Pacific", its called. Blah. Well, now I've gotta read the thing. Oh well, that's what break time is for, other than writing blogs on the sidekick, which is uber fun. Hehe.

I also have some news.

Im...kinda, sorta...engaged.

To Marcus.

(Here's where my friends either went nuts with happiness or slapped me upside my head.)

Read Harris's blog for the lowdown.

Im of two minds. A big part of me wants this bad. I've liked him on and off since I was about twelve. And I never thought he'd ever like me, let alone want to marry me. I don't evenknow when he started with the feelings for me.

On the other hand, I'm 18. I've got my whole life. Plus, he's coming back in two years, so I'll just end up waiting till I'm 20. Can I do that? I guess I'll find out.

Rory said this was kinda stupid of me, Sheets plans to object, Harris was there, and he's estatic. Brittany was pissed at him for a number of reasons, and she talked to him and now they are fine. Steve has said nothing. Granted I haven't told him myself, I believe Rory did that. Its sort of my news, but I don't care. The group, my best friends, know what's going on with me. Which is lovely. And Liza said it was random, and Annelis was like think on this. Which I am.

Harris and Marcus have been wedding planning. Blah, sort of. Saves me work, but at the cost of taste.

I don't know. I would have wanted to date him first, then have all this come up. I also feel like im not ready. He is, but I'm not. What kind of marriage is that?

This whole thing still hasn't hit me yet, but I've got feelings about it. I've discussed then with everyone. Damn my two minds, and commitment being easy, but somehow hard. I've commited before and it didn't end well. My earlier blogs can show that. Is this really smart? But on the other hand, six years is a long time. And I've liked him for awhile. What would I be throwing away simply on fear?

I don't know.

Its cold on the bus. Damn AC. Its gonna be freezing at work too. Hopefully it thunders. Everyone, pray for thunder.

Listen to the title songs, people. Wait is from Sweeney Todd, and Cold is a song by a band I can't remember.

"All good things come to those who can wait...Gillyflowers maybe, stead of daisies, I don't know though, what do you think?"

"I never meant for it to be so cold."

The Sharpest Lives

hey guys.

im finally back.

it is four am. i cannot sleep. suffering extreme relapses. dont know exactly what to do anymore.

i havent been to church consistently since about january. hows that for distancing myself from the pastor child image? yeah i know, not exactly giant strides, but still, im becoming my own person. i like that, getting to know me.

i, along with my most recent ex boyfriend, ruben, were bored at tommy rehearsal one day (btw, the show was in early may, we rocked it, if you know me, listen to my soundtrack on my ipod), and we created a singles crew out of boredom, and the indignation we both felt at having to see the couples in our lovely cast make out in every corner. (on a sad note, those couples no longer exist. this is the year of americas next best dance crew, lime wire, breakups, and pedophilia.) it is called S.P.O.T.C. . its Single People Over Throwing Couples. (you know what would be kickass? if S.P.O.T.C. went on americas next best dance crew? wed rock it. well, wed need training, and dancers. and annelis most likely. and matt, definately matt. renee would be nice, too. okay, wed need help, but id wanna go. east coast. lol).

harris and sam broke up. sams happy though, shes dating this kid named anthony, who she seems head over heels with. harris is stil kinda hung up over alan, but hes doing his thing. granted its not exacty jabbawockky or fanny pak style. its like doing his thing boogie bots style. (ABDC has taken over)

we did an opera. i was the bad guy, alan was the guy i was in love with, harris was the dude i married, sheets was the funny official who took bribes, sophie was the love interest, rori and sam were the sisters of the love interest, and ruben was the random official. and jason rocked it as the ruler of japan. we did the mikado. me and ruben got together right after the show. we broke up some time ago. im not sure how long ago, but it was some time ago. (damn now i feel blah cuz i cant remember)

i started working again. weve got some very interesting guys here this year.

returning lifeguards are...jose, josh, vlad (he transferred, single teardrop), and forest.

new guys are...rob (hangs with brittany all the time), gio (really cool guy, i dnt know why, but i end up venting to him. he either thinks im nuts and says nothing, or is like okay. i feel bad for it a lot), johan (kinda asinine, but all around hes alright.) and himan (he transferred a couple days after vlad, single teardrop, but he lives in the neighborhood so its okay. after a fight with jose, he left.)

everybody there is totally bitchy, and i wanna drop kick a good half of them, lifeguard and otherwise, alike, but i like the job. even though there so mean and terrible, theyve got me cursing now, and most of the time, im cursing somebody out. normally, its forest. he can be so mean.

rori and harris are no longer friends. i will leave it at that. nothing more needs to be said.

steves gonna be leaving soon. to massechusetts. oh, brandeis, treat him well.

sheets said something really mean to me, all because he gets mad that steve says mean things and everybody rags on one thing with him and i accidentally did cuz he opens the door for it, and he says i cant talk cuz my relatinship track record speaks for itself, and when i said you were one of them, he said, unfortunately. and then he was like i hope roris relation ship (shes currently dating alan. quite a twist, but there cute) works out like none of yours did.

now, i dont know quite what happened in my head. t felt like this weird floodgate just opened in my head, and i burst into tears. were talking hysterics. like only rori, liza, and annelis, and sort of harris (who never understood why i was crying and laughing that day. hell, neither did i.) and i think sam have seen me that bad. like i couldnt stop bawling. rori was trying to calm me down, steve was either not payig attention or yelling at sheets for allegedly hurting my feelings, and sheets was either saying that i started it or apologizing to me. i went home, face red with tears, couldnt pass off the redness of my face to either my mom, or my pseudo sister, brittany. oh well, at least i wasnt interrogated by either.

i need a break. a break that a day off wont give me. i want a life unblemished by drama, or hurt feelings, or regrown ones. it hurts, what people say. im really hurt by everyhing thats happened. even if ive caused it.

in other words, i read harris's blog. he seems to have had a change of heart. in general. on some things. stay tuned.

sams blissfully happy, and said shed give me the feature length rent movie. ialready have across teh universe. and now i need to find my ipod. it has dissapeared. entirely. and i neve saw a soul move it, and everybodys acting like they dont know where it is. thats the only thing that keeps me sane at work consistently. i must get it back.

things have been complicated out here. enough said.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

update!

i am an idiot.

my ipod was right there, but my earphones are blue, so theyblended into the background of what it was sitting on. a good hour of looking, followed by seeing the dark knight, followed by ABDC viewing and jabbawokky research,followed by more looking, equals, its right there. blah.

LOL.