The Sharpest Lives

hey guys.

im finally back.

it is four am. i cannot sleep. suffering extreme relapses. dont know exactly what to do anymore.

i havent been to church consistently since about january. hows that for distancing myself from the pastor child image? yeah i know, not exactly giant strides, but still, im becoming my own person. i like that, getting to know me.

i, along with my most recent ex boyfriend, ruben, were bored at tommy rehearsal one day (btw, the show was in early may, we rocked it, if you know me, listen to my soundtrack on my ipod), and we created a singles crew out of boredom, and the indignation we both felt at having to see the couples in our lovely cast make out in every corner. (on a sad note, those couples no longer exist. this is the year of americas next best dance crew, lime wire, breakups, and pedophilia.) it is called S.P.O.T.C. . its Single People Over Throwing Couples. (you know what would be kickass? if S.P.O.T.C. went on americas next best dance crew? wed rock it. well, wed need training, and dancers. and annelis most likely. and matt, definately matt. renee would be nice, too. okay, wed need help, but id wanna go. east coast. lol).

harris and sam broke up. sams happy though, shes dating this kid named anthony, who she seems head over heels with. harris is stil kinda hung up over alan, but hes doing his thing. granted its not exacty jabbawockky or fanny pak style. its like doing his thing boogie bots style. (ABDC has taken over)

we did an opera. i was the bad guy, alan was the guy i was in love with, harris was the dude i married, sheets was the funny official who took bribes, sophie was the love interest, rori and sam were the sisters of the love interest, and ruben was the random official. and jason rocked it as the ruler of japan. we did the mikado. me and ruben got together right after the show. we broke up some time ago. im not sure how long ago, but it was some time ago. (damn now i feel blah cuz i cant remember)

i started working again. weve got some very interesting guys here this year.

returning lifeguards are...jose, josh, vlad (he transferred, single teardrop), and forest.

new guys are...rob (hangs with brittany all the time), gio (really cool guy, i dnt know why, but i end up venting to him. he either thinks im nuts and says nothing, or is like okay. i feel bad for it a lot), johan (kinda asinine, but all around hes alright.) and himan (he transferred a couple days after vlad, single teardrop, but he lives in the neighborhood so its okay. after a fight with jose, he left.)

everybody there is totally bitchy, and i wanna drop kick a good half of them, lifeguard and otherwise, alike, but i like the job. even though there so mean and terrible, theyve got me cursing now, and most of the time, im cursing somebody out. normally, its forest. he can be so mean.

rori and harris are no longer friends. i will leave it at that. nothing more needs to be said.

steves gonna be leaving soon. to massechusetts. oh, brandeis, treat him well.

sheets said something really mean to me, all because he gets mad that steve says mean things and everybody rags on one thing with him and i accidentally did cuz he opens the door for it, and he says i cant talk cuz my relatinship track record speaks for itself, and when i said you were one of them, he said, unfortunately. and then he was like i hope roris relation ship (shes currently dating alan. quite a twist, but there cute) works out like none of yours did.

now, i dont know quite what happened in my head. t felt like this weird floodgate just opened in my head, and i burst into tears. were talking hysterics. like only rori, liza, and annelis, and sort of harris (who never understood why i was crying and laughing that day. hell, neither did i.) and i think sam have seen me that bad. like i couldnt stop bawling. rori was trying to calm me down, steve was either not payig attention or yelling at sheets for allegedly hurting my feelings, and sheets was either saying that i started it or apologizing to me. i went home, face red with tears, couldnt pass off the redness of my face to either my mom, or my pseudo sister, brittany. oh well, at least i wasnt interrogated by either.

i need a break. a break that a day off wont give me. i want a life unblemished by drama, or hurt feelings, or regrown ones. it hurts, what people say. im really hurt by everyhing thats happened. even if ive caused it.

in other words, i read harris's blog. he seems to have had a change of heart. in general. on some things. stay tuned.

sams blissfully happy, and said shed give me the feature length rent movie. ialready have across teh universe. and now i need to find my ipod. it has dissapeared. entirely. and i neve saw a soul move it, and everybodys acting like they dont know where it is. thats the only thing that keeps me sane at work consistently. i must get it back.

things have been complicated out here. enough said.

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update!

i am an idiot.

my ipod was right there, but my earphones are blue, so theyblended into the background of what it was sitting on. a good hour of looking, followed by seeing the dark knight, followed by ABDC viewing and jabbawokky research,followed by more looking, equals, its right there. blah.

LOL.