Why Can't We Be Friends? / Under Pressure

heyhey...this is my last fun thing before i subject myself to torture by college application......

update on jimmy situation...he isnt talking to me anymore...which is fine by me, let him do what he wants, but he made sheets tell me about what was going on...he was ignorng me all that first day and refused to acknowledge me...to me that was a bit childish, but whatever, ive done him worse...to be honest i expected a lot better from him...but cometo think of it, the guy ripped out harris's name from a cheesecake cabaret advertisement....when i saw that i was like WOW...the only time he acknowledged my existance was to pry the paper out of my hands...i have done him much worse...so ill take whatever he has to throw at me...lord knows this was very long overdue...so if jimmy does read this...i say bring it on...i just wish things could be the same again...before everything happened...

rori got the phantom of the opera solo. im happy for her, no doubt, but im actually quite crushed... really wanted that solo,but i figure its cuz she likes rori and harris better...you should have seen their reccomedations from her...she loves them...mine was okay, but sternlieb needs more from me...thats how mediocre i looked...i hate being the mediocre one...especially when i try...i talked to rori a bit about this today, apparenty all she wanted was one little part in the song...i got meg...this tiny itty bitty solo...i know its sort of an honor, considering thats the only girl solo left, but...im still kinda mad...i was actively angling for that one...then when harris finds out, hes all like im sorry...and he took me not talking at all to mean i was taking out my anger on poor undeserving old him...then when i confided in steve, he told rori and i think she was crying...he was all guilttripping her...whihc made me mad, come to think of it, hes guiting her for doing something that not only is she good at, but something he makes her do. regularly...i waslike damn...im still a bit bummed about the solo, but ill get over it...i got over the italian one last year that liza got...it helped that i did that solo more than she did...heh...thats not gonna happen with this one...the thing was that she knew i wanted this solo, everyone did...whatever...according to harris, theyll be other ones...that shell give to other people...heh...shell give them to people like rori and either liza and sophie...good people...which i dont fit into because i dont rift well, and im not the bionic voice (sorry rori, but u d go insanely high and i didnt have an expression) and im not this wonderful person who works well with her prodigy, her pride and joy, carlton...pooh...liza wont work with anybody else lol...thats really diva of her...

harris might do a song with me...it was the song nobody wanted and i was lucky enough to get before the powers that be scrapped it altogether...i actually liked it, so it wasnt too bad...i just feel like im being judged simply because i was on the team when i was supposed to be singing or something...lol...i know it seems farfetched, but whatever...i just dont want to be mediocre anymore...im sick of it...

paybarah looked over my common application essay...she said it was really good, and only did minor things to it...i was thinking shed overhaul the thing, but nope, she liked it...i was like wow...coolness...anyhow...

im installing a new version of aim...

im done with this blog...

oh and me and sheets are no longer writing the book...we were fighting like hell over it...hes proposing a rewrite, but we gotta agree on things first before it goes into the book...and i cant do funnystuff...that was what started the fight which led to sheets ripping up the book and wasting paper...

sometimes i think im a horrible person...i wish somebody could tell me different and id actually believe it...

bye

Totally F****** / Maybe / Bowling Ball

okay...in the middle of the most harrowing text message fight of my life...harris might actually end it...i say might cuz i dont actually know...but it is quite likely...

not that i dont deserve it...believe me i do...it all started thursday and friday, when jimmy and sheets told me that in order to get over liking me, they would have to remove me from their lives, ensurins that theyy would never see me again...i was freaking devastated...more than i should have been maybe...jimmy on thursday, sheets the next day...all i was thinking was that sheets would say the same thing...and look at that...

AND...when sheets told me, i was like...i bet harris is next...i bet hes gonna snap out of it and be like, christine, its over, good riddance...hope ull die young and painfully...and well WHAT DO WE HAVE HERE...

well, that doesnt explain everything...well me and rori went to church...im a freaking mess...i walked around all day wiht a hood over my head with this dead expression on my face... well eternal ink is over...and me and rori are about to go to get pizza when we run onto david...jimmy and marcus' david...the guy who nobody really trusted...especially harris and jimmy...now that i think about it...im kind of a moron...

well anyhow, david listens to me bitch for awhile...and lo and behold, hes all understanding...he kinda gives me insight into jimmys condition about this...insults sheets a little bit which pissed me the hell off to no end...and i dont know...he was just really really nice to me...he would hug us all when we got cold and things like that...

well after church, david walks me, rori, and vanessa to my moms car like tem blocks away...and he sort of takes my hand...which was reatrded why i didnt stop it but i didnt...

rori lectures me for it...i was like okay...

well word got to harris, and he go seriously pissed off...i dont blame him acutally...this is a time where its actually my fault...

and all i could think of is that i knew hed be next to leave...i just knew...

and im so scared right now cuz i think he might actually do it...i dont know what id do...honestly, i cant even foresee how lifes gonna be without him...i love him so much i dont think i can understand it...

(side note-harris, heres the link : https://portal.cuny.edu/cms/id/cuny/documents/informationpage/006373.htm )

he needed the link i guess i told him id send it...plus its there for everybody else...

i am freaking out over here...i dont know what hes gonna do...if he broke up eiht me, it would break my heart in two, but id understand...

i dont know wat to do...and the ones id normally go to at a time like this have flatleft...dear lord...

i knew it was coming...at least im prepared...

~ ~ ~ ~

side note...david gave rori some advice too...about her situation wiht steve...he called her "intellectually challenged"... im so pissed at him for that...

she doesnt need that...and rori if u say one more thing about an artistic nose that is straight, yet curvy, i will kill you...i have the motivation now...

expect an update very soon...i wanna let u know about this as soon as i can...that way i can tell someone...establish it somewhere...

im trying to steel myself for the inevitable...that way itll hurt less...i bet no preparationcan ease this...

hes the first guy ive ever really loved...i gave a lot to him...losing him...i dont even wanna think about it, itll hurt too much...

oh yea...happy 20th post...

signing off now...gonna go beat the crap out of interactive buddy..some how that always helps...tho idk about this...trying not to cry...

miserably yours

eruaphadriel

Untitled

heyhey....writing this blog standing up in the middle of the st lawrence bookstore...its tons of fun...i M IN THE MIDDLE OF A GIANT GOOGLE SEARHING FIGHT WITH RORI AND STEVE...steve should be nicer....rori should be meaner...

on day one...we got to the school and met our hosts...my host is a girl running for student body president that is so cool i know her name is mwelwa and she has this roommatre named jasmine...roris host is col and she did a presentatio today....steves host is RICHARD...YAY! i was so happy to see him...

i got a st lawrence sweatshirt...its red and pretty and rori has it in green...rori got hers first cuz my host took me to intro of music and i met the professor and hes nice too...when i got to the application crap rori had her sweater and i got so mad cuz ie been talking about college sweaters for three months now and she got bhers fiurst...well, i overreacted and me and steve got all competative cuz we were playing the admit wait list deny game...kimmy was yelling at me cuz i let my grades drop cuz of the play and i do it every year without guilt or shame...so i was being overly compatative...then kimmy got mad at me and said rori was mad because of me and its all my fault and rori was like she knows now why arista kids complain about me and steve so much..it kinda hurt but itds true and ive never cared what they thought...

steves playing the piano on the computer next to mine...hes reading over my shoulder at random times...he didnt even kno i had a blog...hes reaseraching melodramit girls in response to rori reasearching assholes and stupid guys.. steve is mucho weirdo

tmobile doesnt work up here...roris phone is working yet steves and my phones are useless...well we leave tomorrow...i dont wanna leave...its so nice up here

had my interview...not eligible for heop like rori and steve so i had my interview at pays hall while they had theirs at whitman at different times...i hope i did okay...

i missed novices to come here...wednesday marks my exit from my life to devote myself entirely to my sport...so not gonna do well at this meet but at least6 i made it to the next level i guess...

now steve is watching adult swim...the music is catchy but hes notplaying it cuz hes reading over my shoulder...now its playing again but its something different...its a game i guess

i so wanna come to st lawrence...

(by the way, this song is actuallycalled untitled i couldnt think of a name for this one...)

imma go now cuz this is not my comp and i wanna talk to rori who has left the area to either talk to other ppl or avoid steve...i wouldnt know...

now shes back...

hi rori..she says hello...yes you did rori...steve go awaqy...

oh and im helping sheets write his book...i actually wrote A CHAPTER it was fun....i hate mac computers i cant type on them....but there ike faster and stuff...i wanna play newgrounds too...i wanna play interactive buddy

so i will do that

bye and i will post soon again byers but dotn call me till tomorrow those of u with my number...byers