Totally F****** / Maybe / Bowling Ball

okay...in the middle of the most harrowing text message fight of my life...harris might actually end it...i say might cuz i dont actually know...but it is quite likely...

not that i dont deserve it...believe me i do...it all started thursday and friday, when jimmy and sheets told me that in order to get over liking me, they would have to remove me from their lives, ensurins that theyy would never see me again...i was freaking devastated...more than i should have been maybe...jimmy on thursday, sheets the next day...all i was thinking was that sheets would say the same thing...and look at that...

AND...when sheets told me, i was like...i bet harris is next...i bet hes gonna snap out of it and be like, christine, its over, good riddance...hope ull die young and painfully...and well WHAT DO WE HAVE HERE...

well, that doesnt explain everything...well me and rori went to church...im a freaking mess...i walked around all day wiht a hood over my head with this dead expression on my face... well eternal ink is over...and me and rori are about to go to get pizza when we run onto david...jimmy and marcus' david...the guy who nobody really trusted...especially harris and jimmy...now that i think about it...im kind of a moron...

well anyhow, david listens to me bitch for awhile...and lo and behold, hes all understanding...he kinda gives me insight into jimmys condition about this...insults sheets a little bit which pissed me the hell off to no end...and i dont know...he was just really really nice to me...he would hug us all when we got cold and things like that...

well after church, david walks me, rori, and vanessa to my moms car like tem blocks away...and he sort of takes my hand...which was reatrded why i didnt stop it but i didnt...

rori lectures me for it...i was like okay...

well word got to harris, and he go seriously pissed off...i dont blame him acutally...this is a time where its actually my fault...

and all i could think of is that i knew hed be next to leave...i just knew...

and im so scared right now cuz i think he might actually do it...i dont know what id do...honestly, i cant even foresee how lifes gonna be without him...i love him so much i dont think i can understand it...

(side note-harris, heres the link : https://portal.cuny.edu/cms/id/cuny/documents/informationpage/006373.htm )

he needed the link i guess i told him id send it...plus its there for everybody else...

i am freaking out over here...i dont know what hes gonna do...if he broke up eiht me, it would break my heart in two, but id understand...

i dont know wat to do...and the ones id normally go to at a time like this have flatleft...dear lord...

i knew it was coming...at least im prepared...

~ ~ ~ ~

side note...david gave rori some advice too...about her situation wiht steve...he called her "intellectually challenged"... im so pissed at him for that...

she doesnt need that...and rori if u say one more thing about an artistic nose that is straight, yet curvy, i will kill you...i have the motivation now...

expect an update very soon...i wanna let u know about this as soon as i can...that way i can tell someone...establish it somewhere...

im trying to steel myself for the inevitable...that way itll hurt less...i bet no preparationcan ease this...

hes the first guy ive ever really loved...i gave a lot to him...losing him...i dont even wanna think about it, itll hurt too much...

oh yea...happy 20th post...

signing off now...gonna go beat the crap out of interactive buddy..some how that always helps...tho idk about this...trying not to cry...

miserably yours

eruaphadriel