hey...whats up...this double title means something, but not exactly what it looks like...let me explain...
lets start with title one...
dear friend...that goes to sheets, one of the best guys ever no question about it...the only thing i really dont get is that im the one who did something wrong...yet hes the one apologizing? he refused to take my apology, claiming hed never se me the same, yet he apologizes for doing nothing...i dont get that...
MOON SHOES...i want those...
anyhow...i now understand that the dude is rather long suffering, and i know ive done some bad crap to him...but i wanna do better now...im not gonna mess up anything anymore...just cuz i have to manipulate family members doesnt mean i have to subconsciously to my friends...i refuse to do that...if i need something done i will utilize subordinates, like i have always done, and i will never give my friends the impression that they are tools...never never never...
which brings me to my second title...its not as odd as it sounds...
the whole thing with harris has really been getting me down...i dont wanna fight but sometimes stating simple fact sets him off...that and steves physics book can really cause some trouble...
sometimes i dont know if he really cares anymore...i know i shouldnt doubt him, but sometimes it hurts when he wont look at me because hes not in the mood to...there are things i put up with when comes to him that im not too happy about but i do it bacause i love him and all...i know thats really bad that hes irritating me so much but apparently i irritate him too...and somehow the only way we communicate civily is through writing...and i dont even think he reads these...if he ever did...sometimes i wonder if he looks at me the same since that hellish weekend...if he lost respect for me...it hurts so much to even reflect on all this, but i know i really cant tell him, cuz he either wont answer, or he would tell me what i wanna hear...but what if what i wanna hear is what he really thinks? who knows? the very thought of harris getting bored with me scares me, especially cuz i put a lot of time into being perfect...but what if perfect isnt good enough for him....i remember that he was really bleh about me being a mezzo soprano according to pierre...why does it matter what voice range im in? well whatever...
im happy i got all of this off my chest...i dont wanna just explode on him...i dont wanna be the one who gives up...i cant, really, not at this point...our pictures in the yearbook, for one thing...plus...there are some times where harris is just so sweet and nice and stuff, and somehow that makes up for everything...oh well...its not like he reads this anyway...
oh well...this is the last time i say any of these things...this is the very last you will hear of any of it...i wanna bury this, get on with my life, and be happy wiht my bf and stuff...cheesy, but that works for me...
swim practice has been killing me lately...making a 32 second 50 free means harder practices for my butt...and they hurt...painfully...oh well...if i make another backstroke time again, maybe she will let me go to opens, instead of me feeling guilty for missing novices...the only thing is, at novices, ill be the fastest backstroker, at opens, the better meet, ill be the slowest...and that will sincerely piss me off...
anyhoo...let me go now...i gotta go anyway...anyhow...byebye...
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