The Shadow Of The Past

You know what I don't get about people?

About society?

How focused we all become on things we can and can't fix.

Granted, I know I'm pointing the finger at myself here too. I know I get forever fixated on things I can fix. On how to achieve absolution. How to make everything okay. I also tend to beat myself up a LOT when I can't make things right, and when I lose people. Most of the time, people tend to forgive me pretty quickly, knowing that I didn't mean to hurt them, and for that, I thank these people. They've been very good to me, and I hope I've been good to them.

But I want to be a person that can forgive easily. I am a person that forgives easy. I want to stay that way. I believe forgiveness is a good quality to have. I find it lets a lot of things out, and you can let a lot of things go. Things you don't want to think about.

I forgave things partly because I never want to doubt someone, and partly because holding it against people hurts me as much as it would hurt them if they cared.

NOOOOOOO>....I'm watching Jin get blown to smithereens. The saddest TV death since Charlie Pace. With Michael, it's okay. He got a visit from Christian and he wanted to die anyway.

Anyway, a bit of me feels like absolution and forgiveness outside of God's divine forgiveness doesn't exist anymore. Like...no matter what anybody does, you're still going to have your past sins over your head. The bood on your hands.

And it hurts. It hurts bad.

And I'm screwed.

I got a C in history, bringing my average down to a quite respectable 3.0 even.

Oh welll.

Let the misery begin.