The Show

Going to vote today.

I guess that's cool.

Yesterday was interesting.

The trains got delayed, then I went to Queens with Rory, where we met up with Sheets. Rory got tired of all the complaining and she lost her mind and technically meddled. She was like I'm tired of this and you guys need to talk about this. After some deflecting, we had to talk about it. Awkward, to say the very least.

Issues were addressed. Things were said. Rory eventually had to step in to direct the awkward conversation. She suggested a date before an actual desicion is made. Which was an interesting concept, only it got shot down by Sheets after I left, due to it's incredible awkwardness. Which wasn't helped by Rory, who was planning to cook and prepare a weird surprise for it.

Maybe it's not a bad idea, this date thing. Only it can't be awkward at all, I guess. Maybe just a random day of Season 3 of Lost watching or something. That would be fun. It really would.

I don't want my heart broken again. It'll hurt way too much. Which is why I've learned to expect nothing from this. Either I'll mess something up or he'll decide he doesn't like due to his self admitted fickleness. Maybe a combination of both.

I just don't want to have any regrets anymore. He's the only one I ever stood up to my mom for. Jimmy was already doomed since like two years ago, Harris at the time either didn't need defending or I didn't want to defend him due to extenuating circumstances. Ruben didn't need it, and Marcus was also doomed, because of his colorful past. He was the only one I ever logically defended. And I'm glad I did, actually.

I'm on the fence about this, particularly because I am well aware that this can go either way. This could work out quite nicely, with very few problems or anything, and I could end up quite happy for quite some time. Or I'll mess something up, triggering the fickleness, and then it'll all be over. At this point, I am questioning nothing. It's not good for me. And I have to do things that are good for me now. Or else I'm going to lose my effing mind, which is not good for me.

Either I want this resolved in some way, or I will know that this is probably not going to happen. If it isn't I want to know. I want to know beyond all knowledge that this is not going to happen, so I don't wait around too long. This isn't good for me.

I've just got to answer this question to myself: Is he worth this craziness? Or, Am I worth this craziness? I'll never know till it comes right down to it.

The date would be nice though. Considering that both of the dates I went on involved fighting, I'd like to clear my slate. Heh.

I"m on chapter 7. Hee.

I can't believe I ranted about this again. I feel kind of pathetic actually.

Anyway, I'm out. Gotta go do my civic duty.

Bye.

~*~*~

I'm just a little bit caught in the middle

Life is a maze, and love is a riddle

I don't know where to go

Can't do it alone I've tried

And I don't know why

I'm just a little girl lost in the moment

I'm so scared, and I don't show it

I can't figure it out

It's bringing me down I know.

I've got to let it go...and just enjoy the show.

~*~*~

I voted.
I feel guilty.
I voted for the people's choice, but felt bad about it.

Should have voted for the effing Green Party. Two women and everything.

I'm Independent. I didn't know John McCain was on their ballot. I saw it as I was thinking. Obama's not that bad, is he? My mom was texting me, telling me to vote for McCain because Obama's the Antichrist and the muslims were talking about a black guy ruling America. Well, that may be so, but he's got a better energy plan.

Granted, apparently the world is going to end in four years. If It is in fact Obama's fault that the world ends, I'm gonna be effing upset. That's some change we shouldn't believe in.

Oh, and I hung with my dad on Saturday. We went to see Changeling, but I told him I didn't want to go because I didn't want to support homewreckers. That's one way to put your foot in your mouth.

Bye bye.