well...the thing with harris got fixed...i read his blog, but still everything is freaking fixed and thats freaking awesome...turns out it was this huge misunderstanding...i thought i had been given absolute truth, turns out i hadnt, and the people i have been trusting are the same people who would sell me out...and harris gave me the proof of that...i still have to see the rest of it, but the essential words are there...well after i showed him what i was told, and he told me what was actually going on (actually, i would have been completely blind to it had he not told me, and now that i know, believe it or not, i do feel better)
to respond to harris's blog, even though its been fixed, i kinda wanna say that it wasnt like i didnt have something to go on, and i thought i was being told the truth...the fact that i wasnt being told the truth was unknown to me, and i never would have said what i said had i been told the complete honest truth...
well, in the ensuing explosion of screaming right before the winter festival, we both said we wasted our i love you's...i wonder if he meant it was a mistake...cuz i said it cuz i was seriously pissed off, and that was what he said...i wonder if he thinks the last nine months was a mistake...that i wasnt worth all of this...i wouldnt blame him, but that would kill me...
and it would kinda screw me up for future relationships...cuz ill always be worried thatmaybe they think im this big drama filled waste of time...i dont like drama as much as the nezt person...its fun to watch, not fun to be in....but it hurts when people you care about think that you want drama, that you live for it....when honestly i dont...
i dont wanna say it follows me either...maybe drama always knows what im going to do...maybe its my very personality...maybe i need a personality transplant...or a drama protection program...heh
on a lighter note...i fixed my limewire...hello listening to sheets's songs without stealing his ipod...sorry about that sheets...just know that those days are nearly over...
this is prolly how you know you like another person...you cant not smile around them, no matter whats on your mind...even if its something small, they just put this smile on your face...
hopefully my own skeletons and ddemons dont get in the way of this way...hopefully i dont screw this up...maybe i wont...hopefully ive learned something from all of this...in more ways than one...
i cant wait till tomorrow...collosal smiles await...
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