Who Knew / Kiss Me / Start Of Something New

well, things went to hell with harris again...things are fine now, i hope...i want things to be back to normal, but if it doesnt happen ill have to make my peace with it...hopefully we can remain friends, considering he keeps saying ginie and taskovas daughter are his best friends, even though i think ive been a good friend to him...he keeps telling me that sheets got the boring girl...even if hes joking it still bothers me, cuz being borings a realy big issue for me...he said i left the stench of monogamy in his mouth...bleck...oh yea...he also said i turned him bi...yes, my ex boyfriend, the one who i loved for nine months is bi...im okay with it, as long as he doesnt become very mean and diva like to me, ill be okay with it...hes trying for ginie again...honestly a tiny part of me is a bit iffy about it but for the most part ill be okay with it as long as he doesnt do the bad things he did with me with her...if he does that ill have to kick some ass lol

as for myself, other than the harris issues, which are beginning to disappear as life goes on, ive been doing pretty well...the sheets thing is progressing nicely lol...i dont remember the last time i was this content...my last few experiences with guys havent been the best...im actually happy...i like the feeling of happy...i think its nice...the thing is before i sorta knew i was loved, but it wasnt altogether tangible to me...i always felt invisible and stuff...its been a while since ive really felt the love...i actually said i love you...and meant it...i dont wanna throw myself into anything too fast, but its really hard not to...i feel a lot more safe, emotionally at least...cuz im not looking for the worst anymore...its easier for me now...now that i have nothing to atone for...i just have to kill the itty bitty demons left...i dont wanna leave the stench of monogamy in sheets's mouth...if hes likeed me for this long...i owe him that time...cuz i dont think i deserve such a decent guy, not after what ive put him thru...i guess i lucked out...and idk aout him, but everytme somebody talks about him, or im talking to him, either i start smiling inwardly, or i break out in this huge ass smile...the beginning is realy new to me, and i dont wanna screw anything up...i want to get this right this time around...now that i have a guy who knows pretty much all there is to know about me, and actually listens to me when i get mad...or sad, or happy or anything else...i trust him...i dont wanna go too fast but i like where we are now...oh yeah...he kissed me...single best kiss of my entire life, hands down...no exaggerating either...i may have virtually no experience with this, but i think so anyway...

my life finally seems to be coming together...a lot of what ive been worrying about over the last stretch of time seems to be resolving itself...im a little insecure about a few things, but i think i can handle it...

things are finally getting simpler...no more worrying about if the one i really care about is gonna get with my favorite cousin...mo more screaming matches about little things...no more pressure to go further than i want to, followed by either being called easy or boring...i wanna fix that tho, i hate being called both of those things...

onward, to other things...

im in florida with rori...having a blast...missing sheets like crazy, and rori misses steve...weve been talking about whats been respectively happening to us...her getting over steve, me and sheets (plus shes helping me persuade myself that what happened wasnt my fault, and i wont screw things up)...

we went on tower of terror, the aerosmith rollercoaster, mission space, this weird thing called the universe of energy (rori went to sleep in it, i loved it lol)...also this musical rendition of finding nemo (rori went to sleep in it, i loved it) space mountain, various magic kingdom rides...lol

i have also discovered i have a compulsive need to buy the official shirt of random things...it all started with my gollum shirt, then my jars of clay shirt, then my third day shirt, then my musical shirts (le miz, rent, POTO, wicked, and spring awakening) then my shirts from rides from disney (POTC, mission space, tower of terror)plus various other shirts...i need therapy...my name is eruaphadriel, and i am a compulsive shirt buyer...LMAO...

anyhoo...today i saw my nephew for the first time in forever, and my neice for the first time ever...they are absolutely adorable they were sad when they had to go to sleep cuz they love me so much...i miss sheets tho...lol...see i cant think of him without smiling inwardly lol... :-)

kk well imma gonna go now...immma go talk to rori...who says hello...

toodles