Afterword

okay, anybody who reads this with an itouch, teach me how to sign in to the internet on the damn thing....for this i woulda gotten the 8gig nano and saved some birthday money, but i wanted the internet...

the itouch is a freaking dream by the way...i lost all my album art though...thats the only bad thing, but honestly i love the damn thing it is my freaking baby and i love it...either i am not going out today or i am on a quest for a protector thingy..preferably green...like a cute green case would be awesome...green is my favorite color you know...its awesome...its not too bright like red or too dark like blue...(sry people who say those are their favorites lol)...and it isnt too light yellow lol...i like all them colors but green is my favorite...lol...

so yea, someone help me with my pioneering technology please.

thank you...

by the way, im feeling a bit better...but i havent seen him since i got my itouch...

he doesnt have to give me a definite answer now, because i know he isnt ready...i just want to know that im not waiting around for nothing...i dont mine inward torture unless it pays off in the end...and normally i wont put myself through this, but now i am...either because im really emo now, or cuz i think hes honest to god worth the wait...

maybe my mom is right...maybe i have been devaluing myself...i dont know how to see myself has the person i always was...or maybe still am...maybe the change in me when i was with sheets was me devaluing myself...i dont wanna devalue myself anymore...im not gonna be conceited or anything, but everybody's worth something...

at the same time, i think if i give up on this and stop waiting, ill lose out somehow...my relationships all go south, but i know how to pick them...with jimmy, part of it was my mom, but it was because i got freaked about a lot of things...one, he said he loved me and i was like no way...plus the creepy crawly feeling for harris werent helping...speaking of harris (whose doing better from the alan thing btw im actually really proud of my bmcc bound brother...i may be getting a baby brother but hes still a brother to me)...things went south cuz we fought like absolute hell and that opened the door to other problems...the thing with sheets went wrong cuz of reasons mentioned in earlier blogs that escepe me now...

i am not going to say i need a relationship, because i dont...if anything im enjoying my first single month in a little over a year...i dont know what the hell im waiting for and i think ive cried a whole lot, but i like it better than not knowing that i made a change or yelling at someone...

maybe in high school, you dont need so much commitment....maybe u just want someone whos there for you...

anyhoo imma leave now cuz i really have to wait for the meter guy and my ipod and the tv is going to make it vvery hard to hear the bell...

bye