Teardrop / Prayer of the Refugee

hey, everyone. I'm back, on my iPod, and ready to unload.

Well, I've learned something about myself. I think I'm depressed. I'm always sad, it appears I'm pickjg fights with everyone I care about, and on top of it all, not even MCR has cleared the clouds. On the upside, I'm integrating back into church. I'm teaching three and four year olds about the Bible. Apparently, kids love me. Little kids, specifically. I may consider becoming a teacher, if this acting thing doesn't work. Speaking of acting, Harris provided me with audition info. The show is called Rooftop, and it's a sci-fi show about a pop star with big dreams. I know a kindly alien is involved. It seems sweet. They have yet to call me. Oh well.

I've been watching House religiously. Either this is my brain subconsciously telling me that things could be much worse, or it's telling me that hey, at least I'm not oozing waste out of my mouth, or suffering from a gluten intolerance that results in me killing my infant son. Lost, however, still rocks.

Speaking of Lost, I joined the Dharma Initiative today. I took all the tests and I have been officially classified.

Here is my groupings:
Pandora, Polyphemus are the first two, I forgot the third, the fourth is cronus, the fifth was similar sounding to the third, the sixth was hestia. Apparently I'm gonna be a dharma medic. I did some research, and apparently hestia means medicine. I got all these questions about medicine anyway. In real life, that would never be me. At least I get to go outside the box in Dharma world. If only I could now.

You ever feel like your pushing everybody away?

And the saddest part is that everybodys leaving no matter what I do. So I've gotta figure out how to say goodbye to everyone. Rory hates the commute, that's understandable, as long as we stay in contact, if she's happy away, I can live with that.

I found out maybe a week ago that Sheets might go too. And for some reason we've been fighting for no reason, it comes up, and he's all like thank god I'm leaving. I guess his leaving is his business, and there's nothing I can say about it. But now I feel like an idiot. See, my mom revealed an indiscretion on a friend of mine's part, and she named everything that's ever gone on, including a rumor that he still liked me, or did again. Naturally, i didn't believe a word (one doesn't lose her faith in humanity by trusting them blindly), so i chased the rumor down to the source and they said it was true. So I decided to talk to him. Single most embarrasing conversation of my life, even though I was expecting nothing. I vowed not to expect anything, I don't need the drama of a second time through all this. Well, anyway, i tell him i know, and he says to see where it goes later on. Which wasn't the worst I could have heard, but fickleness always strikes more than once I guess. Anyway, not too long ago I heard he may go too.

I don't want them to go, honestly. But that's selfish. They should go. I know how much Rory hates the commute. Nobody needs an hour and a half long train ride.

I miss Cleveland. Everything was simple. It didn't seem it then, but it was.

From the advice Harris gave me, I shouldn't care what they do. It's their lives. It's all I can do to not care, then. I guess all I can do I'd be supportive.

So that's what I'm going to do.

Oh, in other news, I spoke to Harris's new Brit beau . Sweet guy. If he lived in the states, in pretty sure I'd be friends with him. Robert something. Very classic brit.

Eitherway, I'm cool with it.

I'm going to go now. Bye.

Teardrop is the theme from House, I can't stop listening to it. Prayer of the Refugee Is a song by Rise Against. I love that song.

Either way, see you all on the outside.

[disclaimer]~ I don't mean to offend anyone with what I say here. Talk to you all soon.

*edit: my actual groupings in the dharma are....pandora, polyphemus, antaeus, cronus, aether, hestia, white swan. thats right, i didnt cheat. I was totally honest. heh.

P.S.: I am no longer engaged. It got complicated, and he beat me to it. He didnt want me waiting around with nothing to go on. Wasn't fair to me, he said. Its okay though. Gives me time to really focus on the bigger things in life. Like the remnants of my high school drama that won't leave my head. Oh, and psychics have been following me. Everytime I pass one, theyre either telling me I'm special and have a good aura, or that bad people are around me, and they charge to tell me how to rid my life of it. I havent paid. Ill find this mole myself. If they really cared about me and my fertile psychic aura, theyll analyze me for free, just so they have credit in unlocking my potential. Oh well. Screw that.

Whatever, hope you guys enjoy hearing from me.