It's Not A Fashion Statement, It's a Deathwish

I'm kind of mad.

I want an industrial. Badly. Harris has one, Rory's got a nose piercing and one on her ear. I have been bitching about the industrial since I was about fourteen. It's my body, why can't I make desicions about it? Answer, because my mom says so. Melanie was saying that the industrial would get wrapped around my hair and it would pull on me while I sleep. I have already said I'd be willing to cut my hair to maintain the thing. I've said it a lot. I've even been looking for haircuts. But no. She says befoe I even think of cutting it, I've got to condition it, because it can't be cut right now. Wouldn't my hair be better off short, so I can take care of it better?

She said Rory was having an identity crisis because she got her nose and ear done and dyed her hair. Seriously? Then what was Melanie having? An identity lobotomy? What the hell? What about Liza and Harris? They did it because they liked it. And Harris and I had always said we'd get one. Too bad he totally broke the pact and got one on his own.

Melanie's telling me she can get my mom to agree to something that isn't an industrial. I want an industrial though, so it really isn't fair.

I can't even dye my hair anymore, because she says it'll damage. It will, but that's besides the point. I've put a dye bottle to my head a grand total of maybe five or six times. That is not enough to damage it the way the salon people said it was. Meanwhile, my mother has rerlaxed her hair every two weeks for most of my childhood, and her hair is less damaged? Really? Maybe the salon people were just trying to get a little more out of the eighteen year old with lots of hair. You think that's more likely? I think so. But she'll never see it that way, because I don't plan, so the way I do things is wrong. The way I decide to treat my own newly legal body is wrong.

And then she wonders why I don't talk to her about anything. Why I always seem angry at her. Why I don't want to even tell her the details of my day anymore. Because every time I have an exceptionally good day, I go home and have to aquaint myself with the fact that as soon as I walk in, the day is over. Because she kept at the "your straight friend yu like is gay" joke until I lost it. And she didn't even accept that it bothered me. All she said was that I've suddenly got very sensitive. And that really hurts me.

She likes to tell people that I never tell her anything, that I'm the difficult one. I know I'm difficult. I do not deny that. But I'm not going to apologize when someone doesn't take my feelings into consideration. I got angry for a reason, and she can't say "I'm sorry I upset you," instead of "I was wrong, and I'm sorry." All she says is that she's sorry I got upset, but she was the one who was right, and I shouldn't have gotten so upset.

She even tells me who to date, who I should and shouldn't have feelings for. She said I can't date Harris or Jonathan, which is funny, because they're together. I don't care, but if this whole situation materializes, I'm telling her the truth. I am not going to lie about it.

Everybodys suggested for me to move out. But go where? She'd have me check in wherever I am.

If I'm supposed to grow up, be a responsible adult, and make my own informed desicions, how can I do it with adults guiding me the whole way through?

~* ~*~*~

On to lighter matters.

I did my presentation. God, help me, hope I do well.

Got new, green headphones.

Finals coming up. Aaack. Scary.

Mel's been staying with me. At least there's somebody to talk to. I nearly told her I'd been engaged. But something tells me she'd sell me out. Adults and all.

Anyway, goodbye.